you know how we all have some kind of compulsive habit? for some it is shifting things around or organizing their desk-top or unplugging kitchen appliances before leaving the house or simply never opening a public washroom door with your hands to avoid germs!!! well, it’s all part of what is called obsessive-compulsive disorders. OCD often, but not always, stems from irrational insecurities and is characterized by recurrent thoughts or images and repetitive behaviours. they all come in different shapes and sizes and i believe we ALL have them (to certain extent of course)... even me!!!! surprising isn't it!??? not many of you know this about me so i am making my official OCD coming out on Ally in Wonderland!!!!
one of my most irrational fears has always been to run out of pens / pencils or erasers while doing an exam!!! how inane is that!???? ever since i can remember, i would always line up 3-4 pencils (the traditional HB and the propelling kind), 2 pens (black & blue), 2 erasers (just in case i lost one!) and well... a pencil sharpener and leads (just in case). you can imagine my desk on exam days!!! teachers would always give me a strange look but ended up smiling. if you were to look into my schoolbag today, you would still find a gazillions pens & pencils and all sorts of school supplies (which reminds me i should sort them all out this weekend!).
the funny part though is that last year, i had this final italian exam at concordia and i ritually lined up my stack of supplies on my desk. yes, i felt like a freak (as i always do when i see students take out one pen to write their exam with) but nevertheless i lined up those pens & pencils!!! so on this particular evening, i looked around the room and saw another desk stacked with pencils! OMG! i wasn't alone in the world with this compulsive ritual. this new accomplice of mine had 3 pencils, 3 pens, an eraser, and a sharpener ready for combat! it was awkward to actually come face to face with another student “like me”. i looked up and this other girl was also starring at me. we smiled at each other with this unbelievable sense of relief and complicity. i felt a little less "alone" in the world with this type of anxiety. isn’t that what we are all seeking in the end: feeling less inadequate and alone in the world?
anyhow, i was at work this week and i was going through some papers i was grading and need the class list to write the grades down. i rummaged among the desk drawers for a class list when i unpredictably came across a treasure chest of pens and pencils the other teacher had put in his desk drawer! OMG! you should have seen my face! i felt like a kid in a candy store!!! there were all types of pens (blue, black, green, red…), HB pencils of all sizes, propelling pencils (0.5 & 0.7 leads), highlighters of 4 different colors, sharpeners, erasers and different kinds of rulers (plastic, wood, triangle shaped – you name it)! i then let out a loud laugh when i realized the silliness of my own reaction!!!!
i guess we all have our quirks! and i like to think that these little imperfections make us all more… real. it always makes me smile to notice these little quirks about my friends / girlfriends. i guess it helps me accept my own imperfections. and that’s a good thing.
Ally L.