I can honestly say that I have felt the darkest part of me twice so far. There is often some shades of darkness here and there that linger (nothing major) but true darkness… full of rage and violence… only twice (never towards anyone – fortunately). I admit it took over me and controlled my whole being. It’s as if I was a different person, watching myself loose control, unable to stop the rage… fearing to do something I would truly regret. Thankfully, there is always a layer of ultimate self-control that keeps me in line. (I ended up kicking my laundry basket, throwing the phone into a wall and scaring the hell out of my cat. Yeah… not my proudest moment!!!!). I’ve read somewhere that our personal darkness comes from the non-acceptance of a situation we are faced with… and it builds up and when it does, it can cause extensive damage. We are only human you will say… but there is much to do about it. Part of the world is getting darker and darker and being human doesn’t justify it. We all have to play a role in keeping the Dark Side from spreading. I am learning to embrace my darkness… acknowledge it, tame it so as to let a beam of light shine in… trying to accept the shadows that dance between good and evil. Sounds insane huh? ;)
When I first dated my ex-girlfriend, she asked me what my darkness was about, what triggered it, what wounds it broke open… I could only smirk, make fun of her comment and ultimately disregard her question (trying to avoid the mere idea of my own darkness). But I underestimated the power of the Dark Side… I believe there is a little Darth Vader living in each and every one of us. Knowing he is there is half the battle...
“May the Force be with you.”
- Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars)
Ally L.