On a very personal level, I have learned to deal with the disappointment of my unmet expectations. My logic helps me understand whether my expectations were realistic or not according to my capabilities. I am aware of my strengths and weaknesses and although it is never fun to confront my dark side, I know it is there and it does, in a way, hold me back. I must admit, I tend to have very high expectations for myself. I try to strive for the best and so it leads me to have high expectations towards others.
I’ve come to realise that I often set myself up for disappointment due to the high expectations I have towards the close people around me (girlfriends / friends / family). I have expected some friends to be there for me as I was for them, I expected my ex-girlfriends to love me the same way I loved them, and to be honest, I have a difficult time dealing with disappointment, especially when it involves close people around me. I’ve been told that I should not have expectations at all. But the truth is, nobody can live without any expectations BUT we can learn to have realistic expectations or at least for them to be flexible. I’m still in the process of determining reasonable expectations and dealing with the disappointment of not having them met (especially in my relationships with others). And here’s an interesting article about expecting the unexpected…
Ally L.
by ian campuzano
“The best things in life are unexpected – because there were no expectations.”- Eli Khamarov
Expect The Unexpected
Sit down, grab a cup of tea, because you’re in for a treat, this article is going to be amazing. Wow, what a great way to start an article, right?…Did I already give you an initial expectation?
This article may just be a complete waste of your time, or it might actually have something of value for you. Guess your going to have to forget that first sentence and keep reading to find out.
Life is full of many ups and downs, moments of inconceivable joy, tremendous suffering, utter boredom, yet in the end it is all part of a beautiful ride.
We are blessed to have a conscious mind, but it has also been one of our greatest enemies. Because the way in which our minds are hard wired, we perceive the world in a way that keeps us from actually experiencing it in it’s totality.
Our minds function through memory, from logic, and even if we are crazy, the way in which we think may still seem logical to us.
We all live with a little censor that resides inside us, that is constantly comparing every little thing, and this comparing inevitably leads us to have many expectations.
What is an expectation? An expectation is a logical or not so logical way in which we want the events of our lives to unfold, how we think things should be, because of the experiences we have had in the past. You look out into the world through filters influenced from the millions of impressions you have accumulated, all safely tucked away in your brain.
How often does life go according to our expectations? Having expectations automatically makes something in your mind a destination, which is not real. Your mind becomes closed and functions on conclusions, then you cease to really learn about anything. But through “will” power and a lot of unnecessary effort, many of us achieve some of our expectations.
This on the surface may seem great, but all I am asking, is this really the most joyous way to live our lives? Are expectations necessary? Shouldn’t life be lived simply and not made extraordinarily complicated?
How do we even live a life without expectations? I think the first step is to become aware of your inner censor. The little
voice inside you, that automatically begins to evaluate and compare any situation against the backdrop of your beliefs. Then based on your evaluation, which is always incomplete, you will proceed with some type of action or non-action which is still a form of action.
Once you see this little voice in operation, become aware of it, remain a passive unattached witness to it. See that this may not necessarily be the best way for you to respond to a situation. Don’t become identified to that little voice. Learning to constantly question your little inner voice automatically creates inner space for you to freely observe your thinking processes.
It’s easy to initially decide to witness your mind, but it is extremely difficult to remain unidentified. If I ask you to do it now, to take a minute to watch your mind, passively, unattached, yet very attentive, you can do it for a short while, but how long can you remain in this attentive state?….This will show you that we are never really awake during the day, because the majority of our time is spent inattentively.
This is why things just happen in our lives, we really don’t “do” anything. We make a strong determined resolution to do
something, then soon become inattentive, and things just happen, then we rationalize why things did not work out the way we expected them to.
Go With The Flow of Life
“I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path.”- Dalai Lama
If you are able to remain unidentified, switch your awareness to your body and all the subtle non verbal communication that it gives you. This is an intelligence that does not function from memory, therefore has no expectations about the future, it is here and now, and will give you direction in your life.
Sure many times these signals may seem illogical, but you have to remember that this is life’s very nature. Dropping your expectations and going with the flow will allow you to be in harmony with existence, even if it seems irrational and crazy.
Life unfolds in miraculous ways the moment you embrace it, you expect the unexpected unexpectedly. Every day is an opportunity to learn something new.
But for many of us to make this jump requires that we really get in tune with the different aspects of our being. Our organism has been corrupted, become extremely dull, and not functioning in tip top shape.
You need to learn to let your mind do it’s job of sane rational thinking, your hearts job of feeling, without letting them mix into each other and become corrupted. You need to learn to not express and become identified with negative emotions, you will see why if you really try. Make sure you take great care of your body so that it is sensitive, then it’s intuitive and instinctual perceptions are allowed to function.
When you are in harmony, you are able to let go of your expectations of how life should be, and be fully available to what life actually is. See where life takes you, enjoy the ride.
Sure it makes logical sense to make definite and specific plans and to achieve those plans, but for me life has always been more fulfilling when it is approached with no previous expectations. Just having a curious attitude, like that of a child filled with eyes of wonder, wanting to explore a world that is unknown to him.
You live life instead of thinking about how to live. Just like the tag line from Leo Babauta’s blog…smile, breath, and go slowly…that pretty much sums it up.