I woke up early Thursday morning, eager to go up North as soon as possible so I threw on a camisole and a pair of capri pants and I was off grocery shopping for the weekend ahead. I was at Maxi’s, lane 4, looking for vanilla pudding, when a man in his fifties looked at me with this huge smile and wished me a beautiful day. Sweet, I thought innocently. Again, close to the dairy section, another man was staring at me and his wife (I presume) looked at him looking at me. Not a happy wife!!! Finally, in the parking lot, a Hispanic man in his late forties helped me out with my cart but by this time I was suspicious and rude. What was it with men this morning????? I hurriedly packed the groceries in the car and drove of, wondering what it was that attracted so many looks… and there I was, waiting for red light to turn green when I realised I was wearing a very low-cut cleavage!!! It is so not like me to show so much cleavage. I am a total prude in public (in the bedroom is another thing!) and here I was showing it all (ok, almost everything!) to a bunch of strangers!!!
And so I realised how true the stories can be – how a little bit / a lot of cleavage can take you a long way!!! It can sometimes do ALL the work for you! I can just imagine a beautiful and intelligent women getting ahead thanks to her cleavage. I can see it now that I have actually experienced the idea of getting men’s attention because of the cleavage. And so, never underestimate to power of a woman’s cleavage. It is a dangerous thing!!!
I don’t know how it makes me feel though. I understand how some women may feel flattered about the attention –thinking one is “beautiful” enough to attract so many looks but I am quite uncomfortable with the gaming and the power that comes with it. My body is not a playground although it may be a wonderland for a very special woman but still. My point being that I don’t want to need others to tell me I am beautiful. I hope to feel beautiful regardless of how others perceive me. Le regard de l’autre devient secondaire. Se sentir belle dans son corps se doit d’être intrinsèque afin que cette beauté intérieure brille davantage à l’extérieur de soi et qu’elle perdure indépendamment de l’autre. Ainsi, nous ne sommes plus dépendantes du regard de l’autre…
Which leads me to penises!!! An old acquaintance of mine, with 1.77 children, is quite the dependant heterosexual woman. If there’s a penis lurking around, then life becomes meaningful. She starts eating well, exercising, taking care of her home and actually becomes a joyful person. There is something about the penis that makes her feel good about herself and her life. At first glance, this may not a bad thing. We all feel better about ourselves when there’s a special person to remind us we are lovable and sexy after all! And that’s why we choose to be in relationships. The loved-one makes us feel special and that makes us want to be a better person, it makes us grow. The sad part about this acquaintance is that her self-concept and her self-esteem depend on that penis. If the penis disappears, she becomes depressive, impulsive, has mood swings and starts “existing” rather than living her life to the fullest. And it is not just the break-up that triggers this low self-esteem. Break-ups are always hard to deal with but even in periods of celibacy, she looses all the life there is in her. There is definitely a pattern there although she is in total denial about it.
My concern also stems from a general pattern we all have: sleeping with someone early on in the dating process. In pure honesty, how many relationships have you had in which sex was not involved in the first 4-5 weeks into the dating period? I can say I’ve had
only one. In the last 20 years of my adult life, I have only had ONE relationship that did not start with a sexual encounter!!!! And then I wonder why I’m still single! From my personal experience, sex does end up fucking the relationship because I get into the relationship for the wrong reasons in the first place. Instead of getting to know the person and deciding if that person is a good match for me and then getting sexually involved, I do the opposite (I sleep with her and if the sexual energy is hot enough then I get immediately involved - therefore skipping the getting-to-know the other person!!!!). And I don’t want to dishearten you but getting to know a person takes a looonng time…
Is it just me? Am I the only one to think sex may be the wrong way to start a relationship? Maybe it’s the age. Maybe I’m learning to put my energy elsewhere (like in the emotional relationship rather than the sexual one!). Sex is easy. Intimacy is a different ballgame all together! And that’s what I’m aiming for, and sadly enough, very few women are capable of true intimacy… even I am struggling with it. Knowing it is a struggle is one thing, putting that intimacy into practice is another.
This being said, enjoy the beautiful weekend ahead! Live the moment and enjoy who you are with!
Ally L.