I don't know why but this week I found myself thinking about my past relationships. I came to realise I was in too many relationships with women who weren't emotionally available. I've also had an affair (or two?) with women who were already in a relationship. I know I know! You can judge me and you can blame me and you can even hate me for it (all of which I have already done myself!!) but I would be curious who has never been in such a situation - EVER! Anyhow, the truth is, the problem is never about the women I was seeing but rather what I was seeking from it. Nasty pattern here! I also think I mistook lust and intensity for true love - because I wasn't just in it for the sex. I was convinced it was true love! Somebody, please kick me in the butt!!! You move mountains for true love! And if true love is what we were both feeling then we would be together in the end! Which hardly ever happens...! I would have to look into the statistics...! Do more married men leave their spouse for their mistress then women or lesbians? Just saying...! I'm curious...!!! This being said, I went through my sister's library and came upon the book "He's Just Not Into You" by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo. Chapter 10 was particularly interesting; "He's Just Not Into You If He's Married (and Other Insane Variations of Being Unavailable")! Did it ever ring a bell or what!!!!??? And please do notice the parentheses: (and Other Insane Variations of Being Unavailable) - physically OR emotionally!!! Here goes nothing! Chapter 10 | Imagine that! It's NOT REAL LOVE! Harsh but true! And that's just the intro! By the end of chapter, you should have learned the following: 1. He [She] is MARRIED. 2. Unless he [she] is ALL yours, he [she] is still hers. 3. There are cool, loving single men [women] in the world. Find one of them to go out with you. 4. If a guy [girl] is yelling about his/her ex or crying about his/her last girlfriend, try to find someone else to take you to the movies! 5. He [She] is MARRIED. 6. Don't be that girl. 7. You are not easily forgotten. Let him/her find you when he [she] is ready. (p.128) I liked the last one! :) As helpful homework, the authors suggest you make a list of all the things you want or looking for in a partner. Then they ask you to do the following. "Now look at your list. Did "married" or "emotionally unavailable" make that list? Yeah, we didn't think so. You're far too classy and smart for that." (p.129) This book is quite humorous and the comments are pretty obvious but for some of us they feel like "a high five, in the face, with a chair!" We all have our lessons to learn. For some of us, finding a woman who is emotionally or physically unvailable is a pattern. And the important question is why??? Why is it that we are attracted to unavailable women? Years of therapy may help or a good kick in the butt may steer you in the right direction! ;) Because in the end, there's nothing more beautiful than two women in love! I might see you at happy hour with the Chouettes Coquettes! So do have fun! ;) Ally L. Behrendt, Greg & Tuccillo, Liz. He's Just Not Into You. Simon Spotlight Entertainment, New York, 2004. |
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