If I look deep inside, I am willing to admit that failed relationships are, in a way, a mirror of my failures within. Ironically, as some persist in blaming others for their failed relationships, I tend to blame myself for everything that might have gone wrong. Forgiving myself doesn’t come easy especially when regret fills my soul. But maybe, just maybe, Ekhart Tolle is right about one thing; is it all about the ego? Perhaps it’s just my bruised ego overreacting… The ego is determined and tenacious. It wants – and needs – to get what it wants, no matter what the cost. One thing is certain, as much as I dislike the idea, it is definitely time to let go, absolve myself but not necessarily forget the details of what went wrong. Remembering has the advantage of allowing me to learn and do things differently.
If there is anything that I have learned in the past year or so, is that holding on to my beliefs is one thing and trying to have others believe in them is another. We all have our own personal truths but they don't extend to others and as I read somewhere, our truth does not need defending. It will prevail somehow because it is who we are. I blamed my father, my sister, my exes for not doing or saying the right thing. But I realised that I cannot expect others to act as I would because they are not me. I like to believe that people in my life do not hurt me intentionally and letting go doesn't mean trying to find an answer or having others own up to their "errors" or hurtfull behaviour. It is about me. It is about me accepting that some loved ones are unaware of their impact on me and that they do not want to hurt me purposefully. This being said, it does not give "carte blanche" to loved ones to simply hurt others out of ignorance but who am I to make them aware if they are blinded by their own issues? As I said, there is no "one" universal thruth.
As WIlliam James once said: "The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook."
Ally L.