Do it twice, shame on me,
Do it thrice, just shoot me! I must be brain dead!!!!
No but seriously!!!! How gullible can one be? What is more infuriating than realizing that you were wrong to think that your ex had changed? The first time around I just thought she wasn’t ready to commit, that she was too young to settle down with only one person… the second time (2 years after our first break up) I figured… having played the field a bit she would be less fearful to commit….wrong! And the third time (3 years after that second fiasco) I simply thought this was the perfect time for her and I to start afresh, knowing where we went wrong in the past and avoid the same mistakes! Boy, was I wrong! Please, kick me in the head!!! AGAIN!!! HARDER!!! Let’s get something straight: PEOPLE DON’T CHANGE! Ok SOME people change but MOST people DON’T!!! Love does make you blind! All that loving makes you lose perspective of who you are, who the other person truly is and how far you are willing to go in order to be with the loved one. Call it emotional dependency, the U-Haul syndrome, or plain and simple stupidity!!! My frustration doesn’t stem from my ex but my naïve belief that things would be different this time around! A lesson to be learned; follow your instinct!!!! You know that voice (as low as it may be whispered in your gut) that warns you that the sour relationship you used to have had nothing to do with bad timing (the famous excuse we love to believe is THE major reason why the relationship isn’t working out!!!) but rather the simple fact that we, as a couple, are not meant to be!!! Nothing personal! Just can’t get along because we don’t see eye-to-eye on what it means to be in a relationship. I keep repeating to myself that her needs are different from mine. Period. The End. Let’s move on to better things, have fun and forget about it... Easier said than done..!
I guess I must be one of those foolish romantic lesbians that keep holding on to the best of the relationship even after it’s over. I seem to forget all the anguish, the arguments and the loneliness that made the relationship sooooo “unpleasant” to say the least. There’s that devilish voice inside my dead brain that keeps crying out (and that my heart desperately wants to believe!) that she does love me and all that I have to do is to be patient. Well… after thinking it carefully through… time is a luxury I don’t want to waste anymore. I know, you’ll say 35 is still young and you would be right in saying so but it is only by breaking free from the ex’s grip that I will finally be able to move on to more pleasurable and better things. Of course… the sex was good. Better than good to tell you the truth so giving it up wasn’t all that easy! But I’m working really hard at it! ;)
Ally L.