From a very young age, I have learned to show my affection and my love through actions (doing things for others) and in the process I have forgotten the importance of being me, in the moment. I believed that actions speak louder than words and overlooked the basic notion that being is also, if not the most important, action in a relationship. Being oneself in a relationship transcends the basic needs and the daily routines relationships tend to fall into. Being oneself also involves sharing oneself with a loved one. It requires vulnerability and trust; a trust that starts within and grows outwards towards the life partner. This awareness of “being” opens the door wide open to intimacy: an intimacy that goes beyond the physical act of lovemaking. It is a door that leads to the soul and one must be willing to share one’s soul to overcome the chaos life sometimes throws our way and rise above it together in a buoyant and imperishable bond. Such a bond also entails facing our “dark side” and disclosing the insecurities, the doubts, the fears, the special needs that may arise as well as the fantasies that may possibly crop up along the way.
Every one has a different take on intimacy and although sexual intimacy is the most common, it also includes intellectual, spiritual and emotional intimacy. It embodies a special connectedness and calls for closeness, safety, trust and transparency between both partners. The depth of intimacy has no bounds. The only limits are the ones both partners impose on themselves.
Wanting to develop intimacy isn’t enough. It takes introspection, honesty and acceptance. It requires self-awareness and discovering the naked truth about who one truly is. Intimacy also develops through transparency: no room for secrets or furtive moments and avoidances. It means not fearing to be judged by the person you love and feeling accepted and respected.
Whatever the hopes and desires, life partners must share the same level of intimacy for the relationship to rise to a “higher” level.
Ally L.